


Why Won't You Say I Love You Back?

by NobodyOfficial



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, LITERALLY, Little bit of angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Tumblr Prompt, advice from arnold, arnaba is kind of background, hes basically the dad friend, mafala is the best, we all know how that'll go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 17:20:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11362029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NobodyOfficial/pseuds/NobodyOfficial
Summary: Connor plucked up all his courage to tell Kevin he loved him. Apparently Kevin didn't love him back. At least that's what Connor thought.So he goes to Arnold for advice he'll certainly ignore and Mafala for advice he should listen to but doesn't and ends up confronting Kevin.





	Why Won't You Say I Love You Back?

**Author's Note:**

> For tumblr. I hope it's ok, it feels a little rushed, sorry.
> 
> Warning for:  
> •Partial nudity (the top half, and it's not what you think)  
> •Someone thinking about having sex with an ace character, but not bc they don't respect their orientation or would EVER do ANYTHING without consent, just bc they're teenagers, apparently we should think about sex??? (It's like half a line, don't worry about it, I'm just making it clear)  
> •Very vague and canon mentions of coming to terms with sexuality.

Connor admired Kevin's face in the soft candle light, smiling stupidly at him across the table. It was well after lights out, but the couple could never get a moment's peace with all the other elders buzzing around the centre, so had taken to having quiet dates in the dead of night. Well, eleven pm.

"Kevin..." Connor took his boyfriend's hands across the table. Ok, maybe that was a mistake, his hands suddenly seemed very sweaty. He couldn't let go though, could he? That would seem awkward. He looked up at Kevin and suddenly his racing thoughts calmed. Before Kevin thinking of another man this way would've made Connor all sorts of panicky, but now his conscience was completely clear; he was gay and he loved Kevin. Only had hadn't told him that yet. That was what tonight was for.

Connor had arranged a candlelit dinner: cooking, setting the table, even going so far as to gather flowers for the centre, despite the fact that they could barely see them in the dark. Kevin meant the world to him, he'd changed his life since arriving in Uganda, and Connor wanted to show him that by being the best boyfriend anyone could wish for. That task was proving difficult, since Kevin was always surprising him with unscheduled dates and gifts. But tonight Connor would really show Kevin how much he adored him; he would say 'I love you' and he'd say it first.

"Kevin," Connor broke in to a huge grin when the other man smiled at him, "I love you!" He screwed his eyes up tightly and beamed even wider, unable to compress his immense happiness into this one moment. He'd remember this for the rest of his life; the first time he told someone he loved them. Now all that was left was for Kevin to say it back.

For Kevin to say 'I love you' to Connor.

For Kevin to...

Damnit, why wasn't he saying it back?

"Aww Con, this is all so sweet," Kevin cooed. This was it. Surely he'd say it now? "You've come so far, I'm so proud of you."

Connor waited for more, but Kevin was clearly done talking. "Anything else you want to say?" Connor prompted, clutching at strings.

"Yeah," Connor clasped his hands together, preparing to memorise everything: every emotion, every movement, the scent of the candles, the warmth of the night, "You're a really good cook Connor, thank you for this. I'll clear up, you should get to bed."

What? Connor was sure he could actually feel his heart sinking. He felt weak and deflated. Did he do something wrong? Did Kevin not love him? Wasn't he the most loveable, friendly person around? Desperate to ask what was wrong but afraid of what Kevin's reply might me, Connor just murmured, "Oh, thanks Kevin," and made his way shakily to his room.

Chris was already asleep, but Connor found himself staring at the ceiling, unable to drift off himself. How did you know if someone loved you or not? He knew he loved Kevin because he made him feel a wonderful, excited stirring in his chest every time they were together. That and he daydreamed about them having sex. But how would he find out if someone else loved _him_? And how would he get them to tell him?

He decided that tomorrow he would consult the closest thing they had to love expert at the centre.

~

Maybe Connor had been desperate last night. He had no idea what had made him think Arnold could give him good advice. Alright, he was the only other person at the centre in a relationship, and it did seem to be going incredibly well. Plus, all the elders loved him, he was great fun to hang out with in their spare time. And the villagers adored him, always wanting him to try their food or listen to their stories or babysit their children (he could be surprisingly mature when the occasion called for it). So maybe Arnold wasn't the worst person in the world to ask, but he certainly wasn't the best.

After a quick glance around the centre to make sure Kevin and the other elders were all busy Connor snuck into the communal shower room. As district leader he had always taken it upon himself to be up and dressed by the time the other elders were waking, so he'd never actually shared the shower room before, but he'd been informed that Arnold took particularly long showers. Now he knew why. Arnold was halfway through his shower room debut as every single character in The Lion King.

Connor pulled open the shower curtain, then leaned back so as not to get wet. "Hey Elder Cunningham umm..."

"Hey!" Arnold stepped back and quickly covered his chest.

Connor chuckled. "What are you doing? You don't have boobs."

"Is that why women do that?" Arnold gasped. "I always wondered." He removed his hands from his nipples then stared at them awkwardly, unsure of what to do. "I'm confused, why are you in the shower with me?" He asked.

"I'm not in the shower with you; you're in the shower, I'm just in the shower room," Connor corrected.

Arnold frowned. "Somehow that's worse. Why are you in the shower room while I'm in the shower?" Shampoo started to run into his eyes, so he stepped back under the water and began to rinse it off. Connor was starting to see why this was a bad idea.

"I just need to ask you something about you and Sister Hatimbi." Every word out of Connor's mouth seemed to make the situation more awkward.

"While I'm in the shower?" Arnold scrunched his face up in confusion. "That's weird, I'm sorry."

"No, no!" Connor exclaimed, blushing bright red with embarrassment. "Not stuff like that! I have a boyfriend!" He paused for a second, an uncomfortable thought crossing his mind. "Have you and Sister Hatimbi umm... Done it?" He whispered the last part so it was barely audible over the rush of the shower.

"What? Got married?" Arnold asked. He was just stood under the shower now, trying not to make eye contact with Connor. "Of course not, we're just teenagers."

"The, the other thing," Connor mumbled. Then, so quietly Arnold could only make it out by watching Connor's lips, "Sex."

"What?" He exclaimed loudly. Connor 'shhed' him. "No!" Then he grinned cheekily and raised his eyebrows at Connor. "Why? What are you and Kevin going to do?" He reached out to put a hand on Connor's shoulder, but he shoved him back into the shower.

"Nothing, that's not what I came here to ask. I wanted to know... How did you get Sister Hatimbi to say she loved you?" He felt like a failure as soon as he asked the question. Arnold, who was wearing Star Wars underwear in the shower, had managed to get his girlfriend to tell him she loved him.

"Connor, I didn't make her say she loved me," Arnold smiled. "It's just something that happens when the time is right." That wasn't helpful at all.

"Well, why did you tell her that you loved her," Connor begged.

"I like like her. So I told her."

Connor clenched his fist. He wasn't frustrated at Arnold, but at himself. It was so simple for everyone else, why couldn't he get Kevin to love him? "What do you like?" He demanded.

Arnold's face lit up. "Well, I like Star Wars, as you can see." He gestured to his underpants, then quickly stopped, blushing. His wet pants were a little revealing. "And I also like Star Trek but not quite as much, unless Kevin says he likes it better, then we have to agree with Kevin. I really like space and stars and stuff, I think it's really interesting. I like reading, but only about science and sci-fi, and I like dogs, and donuts, but not really ones with filling, I think they're too sweet, I like orange juice, and marshmallows, and vanilla icing but not on chocolate cake because that's weird. Do we still have that good breakfast cereal? I'm starving."

Arnold talked rapidly and without stopping for breath. Connor's attempts to stop him had been futile, so finally he said, "No Elder Cunningham, what do you like about Sister Hatimbi?"

"Oh, that totally makes more sense," he nodded vigorously. "Well, everything really. She's so beautiful and sweet and always really nice to me. We have a good time together, she makes me feel nervous but in a good way. I've never liked anyone even half as much as I like her."

Connor sighed and nodded, unsure of what to make of that. "Thanks Elder. I think I'll go and see Sister Hatimbi." He started to walk away.

"Oh, great! I'll come." Arnold started to follow him.

"Elder Cunningham finish your shower," he said, pointing Arnold back into the cubicle. "Oh, and Elder."

"Yeah?"

"You have a really great singing voice. You should be on Broadway, in a show about Mormons or something." He chuckled to himself.

"People don't even want to read about Mormons, never mind watch a Broadway show about them," Arnold laughed. "What a crazy idea!"

~

On the way to Sister Hatimbi's house Connor dwelled on some of the things Arnold had said. He didn't believe he was incredibly handsome, but Kevin had expressed to him on several occasions that he found him attractive, so that clearly wasn't the problem. Connor did think he was a sweet person; he was kind, caring, and always eager to offer help and advice, especially to Kevin, so he supposed that covered the 'being nice to him' part too. In his opinion they always had a good time, they laughed a lot and Connor always found himself thinking about their dates for days afterwards. Did he make Kevin nervous? He did seem a bit less egotistical and a little more grounded and unsure around him.

By the time he reached the door he was a mess, fretting over all the possible reasons Kevin might not like him. He was eager to talk to Nabulungi and have her calm his nerves. However when he knocked on the door no one answered, and walking around to the back he found only Mafala tending to the goats.

"Ah, Elder McKinley," he said, standing to greet him. "My daughter has just gone to the market. She may be a while, I don't suggest waiting."

"Oh." Connor sighed in disappointment. "Sorry to bother you then." He started to turn away.

"No, no, it's no problem." Mafala beckoned him over to the goat pen. "You look troubled, Elder, would you like to talk?"

Connor thought that he should probably just return to the centre, but his heart took control of his body and dragged him over to Mafala. He was known for giving good advice and calming people (Arnold) down. It was likely he'd have a kind word or two to say about Connor's situation.

"I was talking to Elder Cunningham about him and Sister Hatimbi, and how easy it was for them to say I love you to each other, and I told Kev-, um, Elder Price that I loved him the other day but he didn't say it back. I just don't understand why he doesn't love me." He leaned on the fence and looked down at a small goat that stared dopily back at him.

Mafala shook his head and laughed, gently clapping Connor on the shoulder. "Oh Elder, what makes you say that? You think it was easy for my Naba to tell Elder Cunningham she loved him? She was terrified. She's never loved anyone like she loves your Elder, she was afraid of scaring him off. Elder Cunningham is a sweet boy, but crazy, she could have said it on their first date and he wouldn't have minded. He was ecstatic though and said it straight back."

Connor hunched his shoulders a little. This wasn't making him feel any better.

"But don't worry about them. All couples are different, it will come in time. Naba's mother was the love of my life, but I didn't say I love you to her until weeks after she said it to me. She was a lot like Elder Cunningham; vibrant and loud. A story teller. She wore her heart on her sleeve and she told me she loved me on our fourth date. I knew then that I loved her too, but I was more reserved with my feeling. Instead I showed her that I loved her until the time was right to say it."

He smiled at Connor. "I'm sure Elder Price does other things to prove his love for you. Give it a little time, he will say it when he's ready."

What Mafala said made perfect sense. Kevin did a lot of sweet, caring things to show that he loved Connor. But if Connor, Mr Repression 2.0, had managed to admit his feelings aloud he didn't understand why Kevin couldn't. "I know he cares about me, I just feel like I'm doing something wrong as a boyfriend if he can't tell me he loves me."

Mafala nodded sympathetically. "I understand, but I'm sure Elder Price has his reasons. By all means ask him what is wrong, but be careful about it. Don't accuse him of not loving you when you know that's not true."

Giving a firm, sharp nod Connor stood up straight. "Ok. Thank you Mr Hatimbi."

"Any time, Elder," Mafala smiled, waving him off.

~

The next time Connor was almost alone with Kevin was late that night, when most elders had retired to their rooms. Arnold and Neeley were making popcorn in the kitchen while Kevin and Connor sat on the sofa. Kevin had his arm draped lightly around Connor and they had been talking softly for a while now.

During a lull in the conversation Connor just couldn't stand it anymore. He'd thought about what Mafala had said, but he couldn't bare it, he had to know. "Why won't you say I love you back?" He blurted out.

"I'm sorry?" Kevin frowned at him.

"Last night I said I love you and it went against everything I've ever been told to think but I know that it's true so I had to say it. I put my heart and soul on the line and you just... Ignored me! Do you not love me? What's wrong with me?" His eyes began to fill with tears and he clenched his fist. Kevin was still so cool, he refused to break down.

For a moment it was quiet, then Connor heard the crunching of popcorn. "Go away guys," Kevin snapped. It wasn't the response connor had been hoping for, or even expecting, but when he turned around he found Arnold and Neeley stood staring at them, eating popcorn and smirking.

"Move along, we're not a sitcom guys," Kevin prompted, shooing them away. "You can go in our room, take your popcorn, just go!"

"Actually," Connor sniffed, "Elders aren't suppose to eat in their rooms..."

Kevin waved them away and they hurried off anyway. Connor stared at the floor, ashamed at his little outburst and hoping it would be forgotten. Kevin gently touched his arm. "Connor, I'm sorry if I made you feel that way," he said softly. "I try to do a lot of things to show that I like you, I'm really sorry if I didn't make it obvious."

"No, you're still not getting it," Connor groaned, trying to remain calm. "I told you I love you and you didn't say that you loved me back. Why can't you say it? Don't you love me?" He was gripping Kevin's shirt now, tears flowing freely down his cheeks.

Kevin blushed and stared down at his hands. "Not, it's not that, Connor," he whispered. "It's just... Just..." Connor had never seen him like this before. "The last time I admitted to myself that I had strong feelings for you you were in my hell dream. I didn't want to associate loving you with hell dreams, so I was waiting until I thought I could deal with it better. I'm sorry if I made you feel like I didn't love you, I do."

Connor hugged Kevin tightly, feeling now more than ever like a terrible boyfriend. "No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made you say that." His voice was muffled by Kevin's shirt. "I should have just accepted that you'd say it in your own time."

"It's ok." Kevin rubbed his back reassuringly. "I want to say it, I really do."

They were still for a moment, wrapped comfortably in each other's arms, until Connor said, "You know, I haven't been getting hell dreams since I started being honest with myself. I think that's a huge help. Maybe you should just be honest."

"Ok." Kevin took Connor's hands in his own. They were a little sweaty and shaking slightly, but Connor now knew this was usual for first time love confessions. "I love you."

Connor remembered that moment for the rest of his life. He felt elated. Seconds after Kevin leaned in and kissed Connor gently. The air smelled of popcorn and Kevin was warm pressed against Connor's chest.

"I love you too," Connor replied.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like the overall quality of this piece is just poor, I'm sorry.
> 
> Anyway, tumblr: everyonewholovesmehasdied
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
